


July, What a Stupid 31 Day Cluster

by Ivanna19



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Complicated Grieving, Emotional Hurt/No Comfort, Nostalgia, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-19 12:27:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7361506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ivanna19/pseuds/Ivanna19
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Officer Nick Wilde hated the month of July. The month in which, at the tender age of 12, his life went to shit."</p>
<p>Slight AU. Happens after the movie, just a little imagining at Nick's past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	July, What a Stupid 31 Day Cluster

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if my spelling and grammar are not the best, English is not my first language. Enjoy!

Officer Nicholas Wilde hated the month of July, every year he dreaded the godforsaken 31-day cluster. Nobody knew, of course, not even his beloved partner Judy Hopps, which is why his phone was blowing up when he informed her via text that he'll be taking off the 1st week of the wretched month.   
His cute, little bunny was not one to let things go, **'but she will have to this time,'** he thought as he turned off his phone and placed it on the nightstand.   
He knew she'll be mad, but he didn't care right now. It was 6 in the morning and he had just woken up from a dream he would rather forget.

As he sat at the edge of his bed, elbows resting on his knees, and paws covering his face, he could feel the tears welling up in his eyes and the painful lump in his throat as his breathing became more and more shallow by the minute.

**'Keep it together, Dammit!'** he growled at himself.

The dream hadn't been anything terrible, it had just simply been about him walking around his childhood home. However, that innocent enough dream, reminded him why he hated the damn month. The month in which, at the tender age of 12, his life went to shit. 

\------------

Nick's life had never been easy, the kit of a single vixen, living under the poverty line, and to top it all up being muzzled and humiliated for simply being him - a fox. He had told Judy about that night with the Junior Ranger Scouts, and for all intents and purposes that was the reason Judy attributed to Nick becoming a con-man.

**'Oh if she only knew the truth,'** he thought to himself, he doubted the bunny's heart could take it, and the last thing he wanted was her pity, again.

Even though he considered the muzzle incident to be the one to form his views and personality, that had not been the incident that pushed him into a life on the streets and borderline criminal behaviour. Oh no, the one that pushed him to that was so much worse.

\----------

After the muzzle incident, Nick had continued to live his everyday life, granted with a darker view on society and a sharper tongue. School wasn't pleasant, but he was quite smart, not that any of the teachers would ever admit it. Through it all, he kept attending school, and getting good grades, not for himself but for his mother. His mother, the only animal that had loved him unconditionally, the only animal that had believed he could be anything he wanted to be, the only animal he would give everything for, that is until Judy came along hopping into his life, but at that time his mother was the most important animal in his life.

Then, when he was 12 years old,  July came and sent his world crashing down, like a paper plane engulfed in flames.

\----------

One early July morning, 12-year-old Nick Wilde came down the stairs, backpack hanging from one shoulder, and gunk still in his eyes. ' **Good morning,'** he said as he walked into the empty kitchen, an odd sight for a weekday, by this time his mother was usually up, with a smile on her face and breakfast in hand. **'Mom?'** he called into the living room. Silence.

**'Maybe she went out?'** he thought as he made his way to her room. He was wrong. As he walked into her bedroom, he saw his mother laying on her bed as if she had been sitting on the edge of the bed and fell backwards, her feet still on the ground, and her paws clutching her chest. No breathing, unwakeable.

The next couple of hours were a blur for young Nicholas Wilde, paramedics came and declared his mother dead, and as if the situation wasn't bad enough one of them  still had the audacity to say **'She was probably a junkie, you know how foxes are, she didn't even care that she had a kit.'** That wasn't true of course, and Nick knew it, by now, however, he had perfect his 'Never let them see that they get to you face' and he watched stoically as his mother was wheeled away, covered in a white blanket never to see her again.

No one talked to him, no one explained anything, no one tried to console him, nothing...not even pity.

\---------

After that dreadful July morning, Nick was placed in the system, foster home after foster home, prejudiced family after prejudiced family only in it for the money. No one ever adopted him, it was hard enough for a 12-year-old to get adopted, it was even harder when said 12-year old was a fox. Nick, however, didn't care, he didn't care about anything anymore, what was the point? She was gone, she had left him behind, alone with all these horrible animals. Horrible and stupid animals, that's when a lightbulb went on in his head. He didn't need these stupid animals, he had the charm, the brains, and the looks to be successful at what these bastards already thought he was going to be in life. A sly fox.

He recruited his only friend in that hellhole, a fennec fox, a couple years older than him named Finnick, and booked it. Therefore, starting the faithful path that will eventually, one day lead him to a certain bunny cop.

\-----------

Even after years of having been harden by the streets of Zootopia, after years of perfecting his half lid, relax smiled façade, he still crumbled to pieces as soon as July 2nd rolled around. July 2nd, the anniversary of his mother's death, the anniversary of con-man Nick's birth, the day the world showed him how truly cruel it can be, even to a kit.

He was never able to properly grieve his mother, Hell! he didn't even know where she had been buried if she had been buried at all. For all he knew, they had thrown her in the trash or were using her body for medical research.

So every couple of years, he went back to the only place he had ever known to be a home. Sometimes, he'll break in if he knew no one was living there, but for the most part, he simply sat in the fire escape just outside the living room, drinking and reminiscing of the few happy years he had in the tiny apartment. This year would be no different.

\-----------

After finally calming down from a particularly bad sobbing fit, Nick got up from his place at the edge of the bed. He was suddenly dizzy and light headed from the movement and had to hold onto his nightstand for balance. His phone was still there, still turned off, and probably still blowing up with Judy's concerned texts and calls. **'Why is it such a big deal for me to take off this week?'** he thought as he made his way to the bathroom.

He stands in the white light of the bathroom, holding onto the sink still a little dizzy, **'probably dehydration,'** he thinks as he looks at his reflection and cringes at the sight. The usually groomed fur of his face soaked and matted, from the tears he assumes, his nose wetter than usual, and his ears flat against his head.   
**"Hmm, crying really doesn't suit you, pal,"** he said to his reflection. He quickly washes his face and gets ready to go leave, but not before grabbing the six-pack of beer from the fridge.

\-----------

Night had fallen by the time Nick arrived at his childhood home, there was no light emanating from the inside, **"No one is renting it this year, huh?"** he said under his breath as he makes his way to the old apartment building. As he came up to the door of the building, he noticed a pink paper glued to the door. He looked closer at the paper, stupid, official-pink color, Zootopia's city hall emblem right on top, and big, bold letters that read: **DEMOLITION SCHEDULE FOR JULY 3RD**.

Nick's heart ached as he read and reread the sentence **'Tomorrow,'** he thought. As much as it hurt and tore his heart apart, he will at least get one last goodbye, without any other thoughts and a tear sneakily escaping his eye, he broke into the building.

Once inside, he made his way up the stairs to the 3rd floor, slowly, almost as if thinking of every step, he made his way down the hall to the last door to the right. Apartment 301, Nick took a deep breath and walked inside, the door had been unlocked, of course, no one would bother to lock an apartment about to be demolished.

Nostalgia and heartache washed over him, making his eyes sting and the pain of the familiar lump in his throat returning. When other animals were living in the apartment it was easier, at least there was some sort life in the place, but when it was empty, it was just that...emptyness. Nick walked through the familiar layout, even though he had been young, he could remember exactly how the furniture had been positioned, what had made that weirdly shaped scratch in the banister, why there was a stain on the kitchen's roof, who had made the little drawing inside the cupboard and many other things.

He sat in the empty living room for hours, drinking just the one beer, letting the memories flow, taking it all in one last time.

Nick left the abandoned building as the sun was rising, Zootopia yet to awaken as he made the quiet walk back to his apartment.

\--------

He thought about how things had changed, this time last year he had that fight with Judy over the infamous interview, that had been the worst July he had had since that first horrible one when his mother passed. He had let himself hope and believe that finally, he had found an animal that actually cared and believed in him, only to be slammed face first back to reality. This year wasn't so bad in comparison, one could say it was great even. Judy loved him and believed in him, always seeing the good in him and pushing him towards it, he had changed his life for the better thanks to her, and for that, he was eternally grateful. Maybe someday he'll tell her about all this, or she'll punch it out of him whichever came first, the latter having a high probability considering his phone had been off for a week. 

However, no matter how much happiness came into his life,  July was still July, and it will always be that stupid, 31-day cluster of shit.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I know it might sound weird that Nick still falls apart for his mom's death anniversary after 20 years, but that's exactly what complicated grieving is, no matter how much time goes by, it still hurts like the first day they're gone.   
> This topic is very close to my heart, I won't go into detail, but all I can say is complicated grieving sucks, even after years of happiness that one date always comes and you crumble like a cheap cookie.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this fanfic, even if it is quite depressing. Please review, I'll love to hear what you think, both on the topic and the story! Thank you! :)


End file.
